dont know what to write

does it happen to you too? having many things in your mind but no possibility to write and express your feelings. it is similar to the situation when you are in love with somebody. you have many words to say to your love but it doesnt come easily. then you start to plan every word that you are going to say or sometimes you write on a paper and take it to the meeting point. well whan can I write? sth about my mother who is living her last days in this world, after such a heavy treatment for her cancer disease seems she is losing this shit battle. I think she could have written a book telling her life full of with pain always. and now a time in which she has started to live more happier times than before spending her days with taking many pills which are converting her life to unbearable period. these pills are extending her life a bit. in my next blogs i will drop on some lines about her life. what did cause this shitty disease? well many things came together which made her always stressful and exhausting. now when I remember all things that we went through with her some tears are starting to leave my eyes. since 2001 we could have treated or cared her better but could not. all have his or her guilt and responsibility. what should one do in her or his last days? following the directions of the doctors and taking pills and suffer or just living with enjoying life as much as possible? is it your choice or the one determined by others around you who dont want to lose you? dont know what to do what to think how to act...